My greatest hope is my greatest fear

What is your greatest fear and your greatest hope?

This was a questions posed to my philosophy class by our stand-in Philosophy teacher in our last lesson before our other Philosophy teacher returned from maternity leave. As a 'fun' delayed ice-breaker (don't worry, we weren't an awkward class anyway) he asked us this seemingly easy but actually deceptively challenging question of our greatest hope and fear. None of us really knew what to answer and I was stumbling over whether it was appropriate to talk about my irrational fear of disappointing my teachers (also known as Atelophobia, if you're interested) - just kidding, I'm not a teachers pet (ish) - or my hope to one day find the best ice cream in the world (I'm thinking it'll be somewhere in America?). But then everyone started going for some pretty deep stuff, as you would expect from a philosophy class where our soul purpose is to question our existence and whether or not we need to do our homework if we can argue that our homework doesn't really exist. So this got me thinking, if I were to really, seriously ask myself what my greatest fear and hope is, what would I say?

And then I came to a slightly odd and paradoxical conclusion that my greatest hope and fear are basically the same thing.

Let me explain.

My greatest hope is to be able to be on my deathbed (aged whatever I don't really mind so long as it's not painful, fingers crossed) and to look back at my life and be satisfied that I had had a happy, fun and fulfilling life. My greatest fear, on the other hand, is that I will be on my deathbed (again, a lack of pain would be nice, please) and look back at my life with regret because I missed opportunities and didn't live my life to its full potential. So, in essence, my greatest hope and my greatest fear is simply 'living', or a lack of.

Why is this something I am scared of? Well that's because I am in full on existential crisis mode. Speaking as an atheist with little hope of redemption after laughing a little too much at the Book of Mormon (best musical ever by the way, go and see it) I hold no hope in a higher power or an after life. So I believe that when you die you head straight into this fun little thing called oblivion. Sounds cool right? It is quite literally where you are not conscious to the point where you don't actually exist and you never will again. Ever. And eventually the entire Universe will die leaving nothing for all eternity, which I needn't tell you is a VERY long time. So therefore, in my view we only have one life. AND THAT IS IT. You get approximately 75-80 years upon this rock we call home, which we happen to be destroying right now (but that's a different point altogether), and then you kick the bucket. So surely it is our obligation to live it as fully as possible? The fact that I believe we only have one chance at living (let's hope I'm wrong) is therefore a driving force for me. If this is all we ever get then I want to make the most of everything I can before I am too old to experience it. This is the reason I am taking a Gap Year, going to University to study a subject I love and then travelling as much as I can with the people I love. This is the reason I go out drinking with my friends. This is the reason I go for runs just as the sun is setting (despite the joint pains and occasional wheezing). I do things because I want to and because I will remember them.

And that, kids, is how to live you life: as if it is the only one you ever get. Some of you may be religious in which case you might believe in an afterlife/salvation/reincarnation and the list goes on. But even if you do you should still treat this life as if it is the one and only because it is simply more fun that way! And when you reach the ripe old age of 80 and are looking back at the life you have enjoyed, you will smile and thank yourself that you took the leap of faith and hopefully didn't break your leg along the way.

If this isn't a New Years Resolution I don't know what is.

Go out and live life, it is your obligation to do so.

Also consider this, what is your greatest hope and your greatest fear? And are you doing enough to overcome that fear, or make your dream a reality.

Happy pondering. :)